


Golden

by princesslizzyx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst in the beginning chapters, Clarke's loving it, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Humor, Lexa's living a double life, Mentions of Suicide and Depression, Romance, Slow Build, plus a ton of twenty one pilots songs, rockstar lexa, this is all happier than it sounds i promise
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-15 08:52:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7215826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesslizzyx/pseuds/princesslizzyx
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"So... you're telling me that you've got eyes for The Commander but you're also in love with Lexa?" Raven asked, giving Clarke a smirk.</p><p>Clarke rolled her eyes at her friend and her use of the word "love" but just shrugged. She knew that The Commander was a rockstar, completely out of her league but she couldn't stop thinking about her. When she was on stage her voice was true as much as her usual eye mask of black paint. She was infatuated. </p><p>Then, there was Lexa. The calm, reserved girl she had only just met three weeks ago. The way her glasses framed her face ever so perfectly and the way her green eyes shone every time she smiled at her. She was mysterious and well-guarded but the thing was, Clarke wanted to knock down those walls. She wanted to know Lexa. She didn't know what to think.</p><p>or</p><p>That one story about a girl who is living a double life and her crush falls in love with both of her lives without even knowing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Golden

Lexa // Senior Year

She found herself going through her mundane routine once again. The usual bell rang as she pulled her bag over her shoulder and paced rapidly towards the cafeteria. For the past two years Octavia and her had always kept their usual spot in the Cafeteria. Majority of the time, it was only them but there were occasional times when Anya and Lincoln would join them. 

She dodged all the people in line for food earning a couple of groans and shouts. Swiftly, she sat at their table and threw her stuff down. She pulled out her phone and scrolled through her soon to be schedule. She was going to be so busy for the next few weeks. She was to perform some night shows as well as some bars and clubs.

Her thoughts were interrupted when someone crashed down onto a seat next to hers. She looked up and smiled when she found Octavia slightly frowning at her. "How do you always get here so early?" Octavia questioned her.

Lexa shrugged and gave her a smirk. "I'm just that good." Octavia scoffed and shoved Lexa's shoulder. She then crossed her arms and beamed at Lexa.

"What?" She asked her friend. Octavia was giving her a giant grin while winking at her. When Octavia realize Lexa couldn't take a hint she sighed and rolled her eyes.

"What do you mean, what?" Octavia exclaimed so loud, the entire cafeteria probably heard her. She glanced around and then whispered, "How was last night?" She chuckled at herself. "God, that sounds weird but you know what I mean."

Lexa rolled her eyes and bluffed, "You're weird O." Lexa smiled and then quickly grinned from ear to ear. "It was amazing. There was so many people and the energy was just awesome. There were some TV reporters there as well so maybe it's even on TV." 

Octavia looked at her and then rose an eyebrow. She had a sly smile slapped on her face, she leaned forward, her face was now closer to Lexa's as she whispered, "Say Commander ... how many girls did you manage to woo last night?" 

Lexa's smile soon cracked into laughter. She rolled her eyes and shoved her friend away from her. They both just looked at each other and laughed. Octavia secretly enjoyed these moments with Lexa, though she'd probably never admit it.

It still blew her mind today that her best friend was a huge star in the industry. Before Lexa had told her the secret, she thought was her best friend was just a huge dork who loved to read and write poetry. Boy, she wouldn't have ever seen the rockstar in her.

 

*** 

 

The two friends continued to talk about their usual day and the conversation eventually flooded to Lexa's schedule. Soon, the lunch bell rang and the two girls were forced to head to their last class. With a side-hug and a nod the two girls went their separate ways.

Lexa looked down at her schedule for school hours. Although it was only the first day of school she was determined to know her all of her classes by the end of the day. Her final period was AP Geography. She sighed, clutching onto her stuff with a tighter grip. 

She walked along the halls while keeping her eyes on the walls. There were many drawings and paintings covered all over. She stopped to look at one painting closely. It was a large forest in black in white with a large full moon hovering above it. The sky, still black and white had many blue butterflies flying around, some also in the trees. Below it all were two people, a man and woman who were glowing a bright yellow, both holding a blue butterfly in their palms. 

Lexa realized she was rather leaned close to the painting so she subconsciously took a few steps back. Suddenly, she felt a body colliding into her own, the forehead of the person slamming into her right temple. She groaned quietly and grabbed the side of her face. She looked down and locked eyes with a blonde. The girl's eyes were piercing her own, the blue in the girl's eyes mesmerizing Lexa. The blue reminded Lexa of a wild storm but still there was a hint of calm shore. 

Finally, the blonde snapped out of their gaze and furrowed her eyebrows together. "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to run into you. I was just coming out of Math and the teacher wouldn't let me out so I had to rush and I had to get to my next class so I didn't even notice you were standing there and I-”

She was cut off by Lexa who had held out her hands mid air as a sign of peace. She gave the blonde a small smile, reassuring her everything was okay. She nearly chuckled at the thought of the girl continuing to ramble on.

“Really, it's okay. I should have watched where I was walking … with all this art though, that's pretty difficult. It's all so beautiful.” Lexa frowned slightly as she realized she had spoken more than she meant to. She looked down at the girl once again and noticed the girl gave her a sense of familiarity, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. Though, the girl didn’t seem like she recognized Lexa.

The blonde gazed around the wall until her eyes fell upon the one Lexa had previously been looking at. 

“That one's my favorite.” Lexa called out from behind the girl.

The girl looked back at her and smirked slightly, her eyes held a new spark to them. “That's my painting actually.” She pointed at the ‘C.G’ in the corner and then turned to look at Lexa. “I painted it last year, that’s why it’s still in this old art room. I’m actually headed to the new one right now but I-” She stopped as she realized she was beginning to ramble. She flushed slightly and smiled at Lexa.

“I'm Clarke. Clarke Griffin, nice to meet you.” The girl, Clarke, held out her hand introducing herself. Lexa was stunned for a moment, she felt like they had met before but still the puzzle pieces didn’t connect. Clarke was greeting her like it was the first time they had ever met. Lexa was awfully confused. She blinked quickly and shook Clarke’s hand firmly.

Lexa hesitated for a moment. Should she really just introduce herself to a hallway stranger? Well, more like stranger- who’s she's sort of familiar with? She shrugged mentally and spoke anyway, “I'm L-” But she was interrupted by two loud ringing bells, indicating there was one minute left for class to start. 

Clarke's eyes widened while letting out a slight gasp. She quickly let go of Lexa's hand and darted across the hall. Before leaving and turning in a corner Clarke turned to look at Lexa, a small smile decorated her face. 

“I'll see you around!”

She waved at Lexa with her free hand before completely disappearing around the corner, leaving Lexa in the hall with a few other people scrambling around frantically. Maybe her mind was messing with her? She knew that Clarke seemed familiar but maybe she had just met a fan who looked similar to her, yeah, that was it, she decided. Lexa shook her head and composed herself. She clutched her things and dashed towards her class. As she had sat down on a random seat in the back, the bell rang one last time and class had begun.

 

***

 

Lexa shuffled around in her seat. There were about ten minutes left in her class. The teacher, who insisted on being just called ‘Sinclair’ had finished doing all the usual get-to-know-me games, which Lexa hated. Many students were roaming around class, most in small groups budding around the entrance door. 

Lexa was still in her seat. She was all alone and no one really paid her much attention, which Lexa was was grateful for. She might seem like a hypocrite but she hated being the center of attention. At least, in school that is. It's different at school, people pretend to be your friend and then when you actually trust them they use that trust against you. That's how Lexa viewed it all anyways.

 

Her thoughts were interrupted by a dark-skinned boy sitting down on a seat next to hers. He waited until Lexa looked directly at him before shining a large grin. He had dark brown hair and equally dark brown eyes, his grin was strange but somewhat friendly. Lexa was immediately confused and wanted to turn away but for some reason, she didn't. The boy’s grin eventually faded but a smile still hung on his lips. 

“I'm Wells. I found you over here alone, so I'd thought I'd give you company for a few minutes.” 

Lexa blinked. Was this guy for real? Was someone trying to prank her and sent this guy? Nevertheless, she didn't feel comfortable around him. He was probably just looking for someone to mess with anyways, and Lexa was sure enough not going to be that someone. 

“I see you don't talk much, that's cool. I could just do the talking for us then.”

The boy, Wells, continued and didn't seemed phased by Lexa's silence in the slightest. “Do you think this class will be hard?” He paused for a second but then continued when Lexa didn't respond. “I hope not, Sinclair seems like a good teacher.” 

Lexa turned away from Wells and accidentally knocked her folder off her the desk. Before she could react, Wells had already shot off his seat and picked up all the pages for her. He looked at the sheet music before gently handing the folder back to her. “What do you play?” Once again, Lexa remained silent. 

Wells let out a small sigh but smiled once again. “Guitar? Piano? Drums?...” Wells was about to continue but noticed that Lexa had nodded to all three instruments mentioned. “Seriously, all three?” Lexa nodded once and a minuscule smile found her lips. Wells chuckled and slapped his knee resembling an old man. “You sure are a mystery you know that?” He paused for a moment and then continued, “Will I ever get your name?”

Lexa repressed a smile and shrugged. She was getting used to Wells as she realized he might not be as bad as she judged he was. Suddenly, the bell interrupted her thoughts. She grabbed all her belongings and walked past Wells and the rest of the class, anxious to leave school. She was about to pass through the entrance when she stumbled upon a strong body. Her brow furrowed as she picked up her head to look at the obstacle. As soon as she realized who it was she internally scowled. 

Bellamy Blake. 

She tried to walk past him but he wouldn't budge. She sent him a stone glare but remained silent. After a moment or so neither moved and neither spoke. Just as Lexa was about ready to physically move him out her way, she heard a voice call out Bellamy’s name. She turned and spotted Wells separated from the crowd of students. His face was much more angry now, his facial features sharper and more noticeable. “Let her pass.” 

Bellamy rolled his eyes and bluffed, “Wells, just because your dad is the principle doesn't mean you can boss other people around.” His comment earned a few laughs and snickers from the remaining people in the class. 

Wells practically blew steam out of his ears. His fists were now clenched to his side, his knuckles bearing white. “Why do you have to be such a dick? Just let her pass.”

Bellamy stepped closer to Wells but not enough to let Lexa pass. He raised a finger and shoved Wells with it. “And what if I don’t? What are you going to do about it, daddy's boy?” Wells leaned in to meet Bellamy’s eye. He didn't seem afraid in the slightest, Lexa noted. Just when she thought the two were about to break into a fight Sinclair finally had ended his call.

“Both of you stop arguing, class is over, just go home.” He shook his head and crossed his arms at his chest. His eyebrows furrowed and he spoke much more strictly this time. “And you.” He pointed a finger at Bellamy. “I don't want to see you starting anything this year, let's all try to get along.”

Lexa watched as Bellamy swallowed thickly. Bellamy walked back, taking his steps away from both Lexa and Wells. He looked at Sinclair and nodded, then he disappeared out the door. Sinclair nodded at Lexa and Wells and they nodded in return, understanding. 

Lexa stepped out into the hall and Wells followed somewhat closely. His facial expressions quickly changed once again. He now wore his usual smile he had earlier. “See you around” He turned in the opposite direction from her and walked away.

Before he could get too far she mumbled a few words. His eyes widened and his ears shot up. He rapidly walked back and had a grin drawn on his face. “What did you say?”

Lexa finally gave in and smiled. She mumbled the words still but a bit louder this time. “Lexa, my name is Lexa… and also, thank you.” His eyes lit up like a candle catching fire. His grin was so large Lexa was sure it was to break off his face any second now. “Of course.”

 

***

 

Lexa sighed into her book. Although it being the first day, one of her classes had already assigned her to study and review for an upcoming test. She continued to read until she heard a knock on her door. A few moments later the door burst open and in entered Anya. 

“What’s the point of knocking if you’re just going to barge in here?” Lexa asked, rolling her eyes though she was more amused than annoyed.

Anya chuckled, “Hey little sis, at least be glad I warned you.” She was silent for a moment glancing down at Lexa and at what she was doing. “You’re reading? It’s our first day back, what kind of teachers did you get?”

Lexa pursed her lips together and set her book down. “The kind where they expect a lot from us.” She stood up and looked at her. “Plus, I want this year-” But she was cut off by Anya who put a hand to her mouth. Anya laughed at Lexa from behind her hand, she had a wide-eyed expression on her face. 

Lexa shot Anya a glare and she lowered her hand. “Look Lexa, I know. You’ve been talking about this year since even before we moved; but please, just take a break, I don’t want to see you this stressed already.” Lexa was going to make a comment on how she wasn’t stressed and how she was perfectly fine but she couldn’t bring herself to do that. She realized her sister’s words were full of worry and truth.

Lexa simply nodded. Anya let out a small sigh of relief and then relaxed back to her usual smirk. “How about playing some songs? That always seems to get your mood up.” Lexa’s eyes lightened up at the mention of playing music. “What about Lincoln?” She responded. 

Anya’s smirk filled with amusement. “He’s already over there. Come on.” She tugged at her sister’s arm and pulled her towards their band room. There the two girls found Lincoln already seated behind his burgundy-colored drum set. He flashed Lexa a smile and Anya a thumbs up. “What do you guys want to play?” He asked.

Lexa thought for a second, her mind flipping through a mental book of all the songs they’ve written and played together. Suddenly, the song that she feared would come to her head came, and there was no denying it. Lexa frowned deeply and her brow furrowed. Her head began to ache and pound with memories of the past. 

 

Lexa // 1 year ago - Junior Year 

 

She gazed at the audience before her. For as far as she could see all of the seats were filled without a empty spot left. She knew that all of her tickets were supposedly ‘sold out’ but it still gave Lexa a large feeling of confusion and wonder on why. She was just Lexa. Well, they didn't know that she was Lexa but still. She pushed those thoughts out of her head and stood in front of the keyboard on stage. She adjusted the microphone nearby so it was closer to her.

She took a shaky breath and looked behind her to see Lincoln and Anya and a few other people that helped her. She locked eyes with Anya and the ombré haired girl gave Lexa a reassuring smile. She turned to look at Lincoln and he gave her a thumbs up. Despite feeling like there was a hurricane occurring in her stomach Lexa had gained more confidence just by reminding herself that she was not alone. Her siblings were with her. She was fine, except she wasn't. 

“Hello everyone.” Lexa started. The simple greeting itself was enough for people to start cheering and clapping. There was even a huge banner that read The Commander that was being thrown around frantically. It made Lexa crack a smile. “This is one of the biggest crowds I've gotten, that's amazing. I want to thank all of you for coming!” Cheers erupted from every corner of the stadium. “Tonight, I want to open with my new single, the one that you guys seem to love.” People went crazy with positivity for the song, after all that's why they were there.

Lexa continued, “I have the greatest honor to present to you, Drown.” If it was even possible the audience cheered even louder than all the other times but finally the cheers died down and only faced silence and anticipation. 

She walked back to her keyboard and took a seat. She moved her microphone back to its original position. Finally, but not before taking a large deep breath, she began to gently play the keyboard to the notes of the song. The song held a lot of meaning to her. After all, it expressed how she felt when there were no words to be spoken, thus, she decided to sing it. Even now after singing it plenty of times it was still difficult every time but she decided to use that struggle on herself as a lesson. She began slowly, her voice steady and calm but englossed with emotion.

‘Here I come, come to you in the very clothes  
That I killed, killed you in and now I know I'm alone  
I walk to you, rain falls from you  
Can you wash me, can you drown me?’

 

She finished the verse and almost felt her voice shake with fear and anxiety. She inhaled a short breath and began to rap the next verse. Much opposite to the beginning of the song, the beat sped up and Lincoln joined in with his drums. With every beat he made it gave so much power and a feeling of electricity to the melody. It filled Lexa with a sensation of energy.

‘I wanna be a lot of things, so much pent up inside of me  
I wanna be stronger, too long I've sat here undecidedly  
Planning strategy, half of me knows it's all just a fallacy  
Failing miserably, drastically and then I crash dramatically’

As she sang the rest of the song she kept reminding herself that she was not alone. Not anymore. She was on stage with Lincoln and Anya and there were hundreds of people in the audience who had come just to watch her. She had to be strong, not only for herself, but for everyone else too. As many more songs were played and many more emotions felt she knew that night was special and unforgettable. Twas the night where she finally faced the death of Costia.

 

Lexa // Present Day - Senior Year 

 

“Lexa! Wake up, listen to me!” Anya was shaking her shoulders and staring at her with a worried gaze. Lexa frowned and tensed up when she woke up from her sudden flashback. She sighed and broke free of Anya’s grasp.

“I’m sorry I- the song came to my mind and I-I thought I was okay, and then the memories came back and everything was so vivid I-” Lexa spit out her words. By now, she was slightly shaking and tears were swelling up in her eyes. Anya’s brow furrowed as she took Lexa’s hands in hers. 

“It’s okay, Lexa. That was a difficult night and we both understand.” She turned behind her and glanced at Lincoln who gave them both a nod. Lincoln looked at Lexa with a worried look just as Anya did but he remained behind Anya. “We don’t have to play anything any more if you like. Why don’t we instead-” 

“No, let’s play.” Lexa spoke firmly. Her eyes were now clear of tears and her posture was more relaxed. 

On normal circumstances, Anya would've been annoyed at being interrupted but instead she felt proud of her sister. She squeezed one of Lexa’s hands. “What do you want to play then?”

“I’ve actually been working on a new song… I'm not sure if you'd actually want to play it because, well, you end up rapping a little part as well and we haven't discussed it at all really..” Lexa frowned and lost herself amidst her thoughts.

Anya almost let out laughed at her sister before she realized she was still very serious. She placed her hand on Lexa's shoulder and gave it a small pat.  
“Come on Lexa, just give me the lyrics and we'll see how it goes.”

Lexa nodded at her and then cracked a smile. She then turned her attention towards Lincoln. 

Lincoln gave her an earnest smile which eventually broke into a small grin. “Don't worry little sis, just tell me what you want to play and when you want me to play it.”

Lexa let out a slight breath that she didn't know she was holding. She thanked her siblings for being so understanding.

She left the band room and grabbed all her stuff from her own room which included a large notebook of lyrics, which she's had since her first year of highschool and a large folder holding many sheets of music that they played.

Inside, she handed Anya a spare copy of the lyrics and she instructed Lincoln a music sheet of a familiar beat they've done before.

Anya stood a bit awkwardly to the left of them, her hands fiddling with the paper in her hands. She was rather uncomfortable since she was so accustomed to holding and playing a bass guitar in her hands. Nevertheless, she smiled encouragingly at Lexa.

Lincoln sat at his drum set center to both of the girls. His eyes scanned the sheet of music Lexa had given him, though he easily knew the beat. He was rather proud of Lexa for writing some of a new song. For the past few months Lexa wasn’t able to write anything new or even play any new beats. This worried Lincoln and Anya greatly, but they just hoped Lexa would eventually get out of the fit. 

Lexa looked at her siblings and nodded. She didn’t even need a copy of the lyrics herself. She had spent the past few days gnawing on the song material and on the beat of it. She was determined to make a good song, for herself and for her fans.

She brought the mike closer to her lips and readied her fingers at her keyboard; she began.

‘Where’d you go, huh? They all think I know you,  
It’s so hard to motivate me to devote a  
Single inch of me, to something I can’t see  
I don’t mean to pry, but why, would you even make the eyes?...’

After finishing the verse, Lexa broke into a huge grin to see her brother going all out in the drums. He looked content. She looked at Anya and she looked happy as well but a feeling of nervousness showered over her. 

Before starting her verse, Anya glanced at Lexa and took a deep breath. She was nervous about rapping, not because she couldn’t do it, but because the last time she had done it Lexa had broken down on stage. She smiled at Lexa and began her own verse. 

‘No music, and I could talk about anything,  
Whether or not it’s worthwhile, it’s based on who’s listening,  
Most of us listen if it’s something we can relate tom  
All of us relate if it’s something we’ve just been through...’

After finishing her verse Anya gave Lexa a quick thumbs up and Lexa practically glowed. When they finished all that Lexa had written for the song Lincoln patted Lexa on the back. 

“That was a great song Lexa. What are you going to call it?” 

Lexa chuckled, poking Lincoln’s stomach. “I’m not sure yet, the song was really just a random creation from my usual writer’s block. Don’t question me okay?”

“Don’t worry, we know better than to question the artist.” Anya teased.

Lexa rolled her eyes at Anya playfully. She grabbed her lyric book and flipped through some pages, knowing exactly what song to play next. “You guys ready for more?” 

 

Clarke // Senior Year

 

She sighed and glanced up the stairs. She was currently struggling up her house stairs with two bags on each arm plus her backpack and sketchbook. 

“Raven! Stop being an asshole and come help me with the groceries!” Clarke yelled towards the open window so Raven could clearly hear. She heard her friend let out a cackle and then the front door swung open. 

Raven stood, leaning on the doorframe giving Clarke an ear to ear smirk. “Sorry Griff.” She pointed to the brace on her leg. “My brace doesn't let me remember.”

Clarke scoffed and handed Raven two bags. She took them reluctantly. They walked inside and found Abby in the kitchen. 

“Hey mom.” Clarke said as she handed her mother the groceries. She then put her backpack and sketchbook on the couch where Raven had sat. 

“Hey honey, how was the first day of school?” Abby asked, walking over to Clarke and giving her a tight squeeze on the shoulder.

“It was alright. I met a few new people and my teachers were okay. Though, Mrs. Green really has gotten on my back lately, I guess it's because I'm one of the best artists.” Clarke said proudly. She wasn't a person to brag but she had worked her butt off the past years to become a great artist, so part of her deserved the recognition. 

Raven chuckled and patted the seat next to hers. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her and sat. By now Abby was unloading the groceries and had separated from the girls. 

Raven grinned, “So, who were those new people you were talking about?”

Clarke laughed and rolled her eyes, “I'm telling Anya.”

Raven pouted and pushed Clarke's shoulder. “For you, not for me.” Then she added, rather dramatically, holding a clenched fist to her heart. “I'm loyal to my one and only Anya.”

Clarke smiled at her friends antics but only shook her head. Then, a pair of beautiful green eyes flashed into her mind. Her eyes widened slightly and a light blush flushed up to her cheeks and to her disappointment, Raven caught it. 

“Aha! So there IS someone!”

“She's not a someone! I didn't even get her name!”

Raven sighed shook her head. 

“Tsk tsk tsk. Shame. I knew you didn't have game.”

Clarke bit her lip and reminisced about her earlier encounter with the green-eyed beauty. Clarke couldn't believe how much of a fool she had acted like. She never ran into people, she was always a careful person but the moment her eyes locked with green her thoughts became floating clouds in the sky. Her tongue had lost its feeling and she had completely turned into a puddle of embarrassment. 

Luckily for her, the girl didn't really seemed phased by her awkwardness. (At least, that's what Clarke hoped) She had tried to calm her down and it had actually worked. She had told Clarke that her favorite artwork was hers! When she heard that she thought her heart was going to beat out of her chest. 

Clarke groaned and dropped her head into her hands. She cursed herself for overreacting so much over a stranger she had just met. It's not like she would ever really talk to her again.

“Geez Griffin, your thoughts are so loud I think I just heard everything you were thinking.” Raven laughed.

“Shut up Rae. She was pretty stunning okay?” 

“Whatever.”

 

***

Clarke sighed as she put down her paintbrush for what seemed like the hundredth time. No matter what she wanted to draw, or what she imagined in her head, she was never able to transfer the images from her head to the canvas. 

It wasn’t exactly the fact that she couldn’t draw or paint anything, in fact, the “masterpiece” that the girl earlier had favourited, had been painted during her past bad times. The times when her father had passed.

At the sudden memory of her father’s death her heart clenched. She walked away from her easel and sat on her bed. She reached down to the bottom of her bed and pulled out an old family album. 

The album was old and weary. It was adorned with bright stickers that didn’t go with the brown leather at all. Inside, were many pictures decorating both sides of the pages, along with small “pockets” to hold anything that you wanted. It was Clarke and her father’s favorite book to look at together when they weren’t having the best days.

Clarke sighed and flipped to the last page. There, held a memory Clarke never wanted to forget.

Her fingers caressed the picture of her father, mother and she. It was taken at the time of the beginning of Sophomore year. It was a time of new starts, new memories and new days. 

Until it wasn’t.

The photo looked recent yet older at the same time. Clarke stood in the middle of her parents, she wasn’t looking at the camera because her nose was covered in vanilla icecream and she was trying to lick it off. Her father, Jake, was not aware of the camera either and instead was looking down at his daughter, a large grin painted on his face. Abby, her mother, just like the rest of them was not paying attention to the camera and was in a position that seemed like she was trying to clean Clarke’s face. She chuckled at the memory.

Her family had this yearly event to go to a wooden lodge up in the hills. There, they would play in the snow, hike in the trails, warm up in the fireplace and most importantly spend time with each other. She swallowed thickly as she realized that was the last time they ever went.

Leading her hand down the page and into the page's ‘pocket’ she pulled out the special silver star charm her father had given her. 

It was probably the size of an inch and could easily be mistaken as an earring or as a decoration. Originally, the charm was meant to be hung on a necklace but before Clarke was able to purchase one, her father passed, and she decided she just wanted it to be hers for now.

She began to think about the exact time that her father gave it to her. She blinked hard and tried not to cry.

 

Clarke // 2 years ago - Sophomore Year

 

“Clarke!” She heard her father yell from outside the cabin. 

“Yeah, dad?” 

“Come out here! We're going to go for a special hike tonight!” 

Clarke groaned and pulled the covers off herself. She had been curled up in a blanket and warming herself up by the fire. She pulled on her boots and garments and coat and sauntered outside to meet her family.

The cold air greeted her with a fresh breeze that felt calming but still gave her a sense of awareness. Her father was waiting for her by the usual spot at their bench. She walked over to him and her father embraced her. Clarke released the hug and looked up to him.

“How exactly is this going to be a ‘special hike’?” She raised an eyebrow and made quotations.

Her father gave her a knowing smile as he patted her head affectionately. “You'll see, you'll love it.”

Clarke shrugged to herself and followed her father’s footsteps. The deep snow made it difficult to walk but it made the hike that much more an experience, she kept telling herself to remain positive. She was cold and not feeling for a hike at this time of night, but still reluctantly she did.  
As they walked farther and farther from their cabin Clarke realized it wasn’t their usual hike. The usual frozen lake and yellow flowers were nowhere in sight. The snow was getting thinner and greener on their feet that she could almost see the bare soil. 

Her father abruptly stopped and if she would have been a second too late she would have crashed into him. He held his hand out as if to silence her. Looking around, he pulled Clarke forward and told her to hold her hand out. Giving him a strange look she obliged and held out her hand, the palm side facing the sky. 

“What now?” Clarke broke the odd silence.

Her dad pressed a finger to his lips and then seconds later, whistled loudly.

For a moment, nothing happened. Then, a bright blue flashed across Clarke’s eyes. Her breath hitched as she rubbed her eye with her free hand. 

Another blue flash, and then another split the night sky. Then, before she knew it many of the trees barks began to glow and flutter with blue. She gasped as she realized the glowing creatures were butterflies. She almost let out a slight scream when she felt a soft feather touch on her arm. 

A blue butterfly had landed on her hand. It’s wings opened and closed as if it was stretching on Clarke. It jumped once, then twice and then it flew up into the trees to join the rest of the crowd.

Amidst the beauty, she heard a chuckle beside her and remembered she wasn’t alone. She turned to see her father smiling happily as a butterfly lay on his head. He shook his head slowly and the butterfly didn’t budge. Clarke grinned and held out her hand on top of her father’s head. The creature slowly jumped on her hand and then caressed her hand as a sort of goodbye.

She stood back and admired the sight, taking a mental picture to paint it all later. 

Soon, the butterflies all flew off the trees bark and the wandering ones all gathered up into one in the sky. Slowly, the crowd of butterflies soon disappeared into the night sky. The color blue no longer outshining the bright stars. 

“Clarke.”

She jumped slightly at hearing his voice but she turned to look at him.

“I was coming home from work and I couldn’t resist buying it for you.”

Clarke raised an eyebrow and looked at her father as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver star charm. He smiled and put it in her palm. 

“You’ll always be my favorite star in a sky full of stars.”

 

Clarke // Present Day - Senior Year

 

Clarke sniffed and realized her face was wet from her crying. She frowned and cursed herself for it, but in reality there was nothing she could tell herself to make herself feel better. 

Her father died that same night. 

He died peacefully in his sleep. His night was only but a dream that he’s never wake up from. And Clarke couldn’t accept that. She had so many things she wanted to tell him, so many things about the night before, so why did he just leave? 

Despite it being almost 2 years ago now it still left a fresh burn on herself. One that she needed time to learn to heal and recover, but what time?

“Hey, Griffin! You bought the wrong tampons, I told you to get the ones with-” Raven burst in the room holding a box of tampons but stopped when she noticed Clarke on the floor. Her eyes widened and she threw the box aside. She then fell slowly to her friends side. 

Clarke wiped her eyes quickly at the notice of her friend entering the room. Though it was no use as her eyes were still red and puffy and she still found herself sitting on the floor. She clenched the star charm in her hand until she felt it was almost cutting her. She sighed and looked at Raven in the eyes.

Raven returned her gaze and then focused on her closed hand, she knew Clarke was holding the star charm. 

She closed her eyes and leaned forward into Clarke. Clarke thanked her silently and fell into her arms in a tight embrace. She didn’t want to feel so alone, she didn’t want to be alone. 

Raven held her and stroked her hair gently, almost feather-like and they stayed like that for who knows how long. They didn’t need to talk, because she already understood.

**Author's Note:**

> I've had this "double-life clexa story" in my mind since March and I'm finally writing it all down! I've actually written other fanfictions before (first time on Ao3) but this is my first Clexa story, so bare with me! I actually have most of this story planned out but y'know things can change.. This story is loosely inspired by that one Disney Channel show Hannah Montana and also mainly inspired by all the Twenty One Pilots songs I've incorporated in here. I've just added my own stuff and of course our favorites of The 100. Any comments, suggestions or anything really are welcomed, enjoy! x
> 
> ps: if you wanna talk to me about this lil' thing, my tumblr - @princesslizzyx


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